35 things
by Dustfinger's cheering section
Summary: Thirty Five things I do not beleive will ever happen in twilight, and am sick of seeing posted again and again. Now complete!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything else for that matter

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything else for that matter.

35 things that will not happen in the twilight-verse. Ever.

1. The Volturi going vegetarian on us (sorry soon-to-be meals)

2. James, Victoria, Or, Laurent coming back to life (thank god)

3. Bella becoming pregnant (as long as she's with Edward)** (A/N: I have read Breaking Dawn, thank you very much. Please stop mentioning this in reviews. This list was written before the release. I like it how it is, so I refuse to change it. Live with it)**

4. Bella cheating on Edward (she loves him far far too much)

5. Edward reading Bella's thoughts **(A/N: Again, I have read Breaking Dawn. I like the list. This was never a likely possibility, stop calling me out, already.)**

6. Jacob imprinting on Leah (why do people like this pairing?)

7. Jacob and Edward romantically involved (mortal enemies here. Duh!)

8. Bella and Sam in a relationship (yeah, just don't see it)

9. Alice and Bella cheating on Edward and Jasper in any way, shape, or, form

10. Bella marrying Mike Newton (Sorry Mike, Fans)

11. Lauren being maid of honor at the wedding (she hates Bella!)

12. Jacob raping Bella ( he Does love her, you know)

13. Bella killing Jacob (wish she would, though)

14. Charlie and Renee getting remarried (I have yet to give up on them)

15. the pack killing Bella the Human ( Bella the Vamp, maybe)

16. Bella becoming a Werewolf (not gonna happen)

17. Jasper Becoming a Werewolf (don't ask)

18. Edward becoming Human

19. Angela being a witch (pretty sure on this one)

20. Mike Newton being a Elf ( S.P.E.W. , Harry Potter joke)

21. Edward having an affair with Jessica or Lauren (Eew, just doesn't cover it)

22. Jane stealing Carlisle from Esme

23. Aro kid napping Alice

24. Marcus dedicating eternity to the church (he already failed at that, once)

25. Caous (is that how you spell his name?) teaming up with Old Voldy (Voldemort)

26. Ron and Edward having a duel for Hermione **(Joke, people. Just kidding around. Seriously, no need for flames and pitch forks.)**

27. Time Travel (enough said)

28. Edward and Bella going to Hogwarts

29. Lord Voldemort teaming up with the Volturi

30. Stephenie Meyer turning out to be Bella under a false identity

31. Edward growing fangs

32. Alice making out with Carlisle

33. Emmet coming onto Bella **(Sorry, really. I know people who really wanted this pairing in Breaking Dawn.)**

34. Felix going Vegetarian (I don't see it happening)

35. The Cullen's enjoying human food **(A/N: Yes, I mean like pizza and hotdogs, and such whatnot.)**

**I know I got it wrong. I'm fixing it already. Live with it. People thought it was funny before. Please stop telling me what I got wrong, I KNOW DAMN IT!! **

**Live Long, Fly High**

**Dustfinger's Cheering Section**

**(P.S. this is version two.)**


	2. Chapter 2

35 Good things about dating a Vampire:

35 Good things about dating a Vampire:

You never have to worry about being a good cook, or not.

They Probaly won't have a mid-life crisious.

He or she can help you with history home work.

Werewolves will leave you alone.

They will never need to be dragged to a gym.

Next to no hospital bills.

Endless patienence for the silly human.

He or she can eat your enemies.

You don't have to worry about bad breath.

He or she will protect you.

No boring trips to the dentist with your significant other.

They can carry your bags while shopping, and won't complain about how heavy they are.

Grocery shopping will be quik.

You will never be late again.

They can take you places at vampire speed.

They will always hear you speak. No need to shout.

Your friends will be jealous of their perfection.

They can dazzle their way into the party, and take you, too.

They will let you watch them kill all the evil werewolves.

You can cook better than them.

Your relationship will never lose it's passion.

Come on, the musceles.

They know you better than your family.

You might get to live for ever.

If you get hurt, they can serve as a ready made ice pack.

Sorry, I could only get 25. better luck next time.

Should I try again? Tell me in a review. Thanks for all the reviews I got from this. I have never ever even gotten ONE before. I started dancing and laughing at 3AM. My neighbors weren't happy. Please keep it coming. And check out my profile, too. Home made banana bread to any one who can identify what that picture is of, and it's location on the map.

Tootles,

Dustfinger's cheering section.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own "Twilight", or anything related to it

**I don't own "Twilight", or anything related to it. **

**If I did, why would I be on fan fiction? I wish I owned Edward though. Or maybe Jasper? My sister, Bear, has a thing for him and Carlisle. Thank you, to everyone who has reviewed my work. And yes, the picture on my profile **_**is**_** a Sphinx, The Great Sphinx on the Giza Plato in Egypt. Congratulations to everyone who guessed right. If I could I would send you all some of my mom's home made banana bread. That's quite the draw back of the internet. Ideas in reviews for future lists would be great. I'm toying with the idea of things about dating a werewolf, though it would have to be bad things, I recently find myself adamantly against them. At the end I will post a trivia Question, and who-ever answers it right, can get the title of the next list early, if they so wish. So, on with the Twilight mania, Go Twi-hards and or Twilighters, please no flames if you disagree with my names for die-hard fans like me. I'm under no circumstances getting involved in the feud over this matter.**

**35 Things That Vampires Hate:**

**1. Human food, like pizza or spaghetti.**

**2. Werewolves. (Nuff said)**

**3. Strangers touching them (I hate this)**

**4. Pop music (except early Britney)**

**5. Sunlight (maybe, makes life harder)**

**6. Vampire Wanna-be's**

**7. Plastic Fangs**

**8. Humans who drink blood (Yes, lot's of people actually do this of their own free will, very popular in New York)**

**9. The Volturi (hey people hate Bush, Maybe Vampires don't like The their government either)**

**10. President Bush (**_**Everyone**_** hates that guy these days. Watch out Bush)**

**11. Crosses (I find them creepy and disturbing, so why shouldn't Vampires?)**

**12. Drug Addicts (the blood can't taste too good)**

**13. Blood Banks (why waste good blood?!)**

**14. Graveyards (they wish they could rest in peace, too.)**

**15. Garlic (No one like's bad breath, right?)**

**16. Our Government (they know where to find the vampires, obviously.)**

**17. Fake Blood (You Tease!)**

**18. Horro Films (Don't they just make your throat ache?)**

**19. Loud Music (sensitive hearing here)**

**20. Obnoxious Thoughts (Maybe just Edward, on that one)**

**21. Indecisiveness (Sorry, Alice!)**

**22. Emotional Brake downs **

**23. Over active emotions (OMC, Jasper honey, I'll try to be less overwhelming tomorrow night. Now kiss me again, already.)**

**24. Paper cuts (Sorry, Jazzy)**

**25. Being Better Looking (Ow, Don't bite my head off Rosalie, Just because your Jealous. AWWW! Or rip my throat out!!)**

**26. Sleeping Humans (Ooh, green monster Jealousy rears it's ugly head)**

**27. watching humans eat (except when Edward watches Bella. Though that is a bit creepy.)**

**28. Smelling Werewolves (Urgh)**

**29. Having to pretend to be human (all that restraint is tire ring on a person.)**

**30. Being followed by a human.**

**31. Being stocked by a human.**

**32. Kissing a werewolf.**

**33. Being imprinted on by a werewolf (note to self: add this to things that will never happen in twilight-verse to my knowledge and am sick of seeing list.)**

**34. Having to play nice with a werewolf (cough cough Edward and Jacob cough cough) .**

**35. Watching a werewolf dance with your mate (I feel for you Edward).**

**Okay. Time to stop now. The last five no so good. At least I reached 35 this time around. It was great to hear I should continue this what-ever-it-is thingy. I want you to picture a forest in your head. Close your eyes, no reading ahead. Does that forest have a path? If it does you know where you are going with your life. If not then not. I got like three reviews talking about the Harry Potter references in the first list, well, you see, I love Harry potter. Goblet of fire was the First chapter book I ever read. Not first ever by myself, I mean first ever ever. I still love it, but I hated how the seventh ended. Look on my profile at the list of books. I have very varying taste in lititure. I am going to try and stop doing that so much, or make one of these for that section to get it out. Please read my poetry I have posted, it really is not that bad. This is doing much better than it at the moment. By the way, the first list was not meant to be funny, but after I read it, it looked kind of like humor. The thing is I'm just writing what I think in that moment. Does anyone recognize my pen name, if not you should try reading Inkheart by Cornelia Funke. Good book, the sequel sucks though. It is almost midnight. I live in Hawaii, the state not the Island. It is almost 3 am in phoenix, 2:45 I think. Random fact there. I just bought the new twilight calendar at borders. I hung it up right when I got home. Well, I was looking at the September page, and the first thing I thought was that it reminded me of a movie I saw years ago. The Movie was "Cruel Intentions", it was about a guy named Sebastian and a girl named Lucile. The picture reminded me of it so much I rented it from block buster and watched it a new. I got reminded why I did not like the movie again and again. It is just one huge sex fest. The entire movie is about really graphic sex, but is not porn because the plot is amazing. I mean even though sex is a constant element, there is still an award winning plot underneath all the passion and lust. The movie has nothing to do with twilight or vampires or anything supernatural, but it is good all the same, if a little graphic and weird. The thing that sparks the plot is that Sebastian wants to have sex with his brand new Step-sister. I won't give any more away. But the picture for September still looks like an early seen from the movie. My sister thinks so too. Oh, before I forget, here is the TRIVIA QUESTION: Who wrote the bible? If you have seen the Divicii Code you should know this.**

**Bye,**

**Dustfinger's Cheering Section**

**(p.s. just finished breaking dawn. )**


	4. Chapter 4

Hi, everybody

**Hi, everybody!**

**Okay, so I just reread my first list and was like "Oh no, I feel like an idiot now" . if you have read breaking dawn, please ignore the things I got wrong. I am such an idiot. As you know it was written before the release, so sorry on that count. So, does anyone know the trivia question? I love the divicci code. Oh, yeah. Bout the first two list, sorry they have no numbers, I tried, but it messed up. Thank you to reviewers. Thank you to people who gave authors alerts, and story alerts. Tell me when this has gone stale pleade. **

**Hugs And Kisses**

**Dustfinger's Cheering Section**


	5. Breaking Dawn Spoilers

Okay, so this is a new update

**Okay, so this is a new update. I'm loving the response to this. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED "BREAKING DAWN"!!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, would I have been surprised by breaking dawn? I do own Edward, though. Oh, darn it. That's just in my dreams!**

**20 THINGS I DID NOT THINK WOULD HAPPEN IN BREAKING DAWN:**

**1.Bella getting pregnant (just, period.)**

**2.The pack wanting to kill Bella**

**3.Jacob and Leah becoming friends**

**4.Edward reading Bella's thoughts (come on, you didn't see this coming either.)**

**5.Jacob imprinting (On anyone, actually.)**

**6.The wedding going off with out an hitch**

**7.Jacob crashing the wedding (I thought for sure it would be the Volturi.)**

**8.Alice leaving (Even if it was a ruse)**

**9.Jasper and Bella getting closer **

**10.Edward asking Jacob to make Bella "reconsider her options" on a certain subject**

**11.The pack almost killing Bella the human**

**12.the pack splitting in two**

**13.Seth and **_**Leah**_** choosing to follow him**

**14.Bella having a hybrid baby girl**

**15.there being other vampire hybrids**

**16. There being actual "Children of the Moon" (enough said on this matter)**

**17.Bella having that particular power**

**18.there being so many different kinds of vampires.**

**19.Bella being all powerful**

**20.Bella having near perfect self-control**

_**Okay. I wrote this before school. Hope you enjoy!**_

_**Hugs and Kisses**_

_**Dustfinger's Cheering Section**_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, if i did would i be using my talents here? Would i have the time to do this? No and no.

Disclaimer: I don't own Edward, Mike, Jessica Jasper, Alice, Bella, Tyler, Emmet, Or Rosalie. Heck, i don't even own this laptop. do i look like Stephenie Meyer to You? Thanks but No Thanks.

"I own Edward!! Yay!!" Says HAppy me.

"NO you do not" yells my mean brain.

"Do too!!" Exults me.

"Do not!" Says my brain.

"Yes, i do" i declare, sure that i have won.

"Show me the pink slips, then" Says my brain.

"Pink slips?" Questions me.

"Ownership papers. if you owned Edward, you would know that" says my evil brain.

"Snhargle-dargle-snuff-a-lum-a-kiss. Well, Damn it, then. I knew it couldn't last." Fumes me.

Like My Skit? Tell me in a review then.

**Ugh. Okay, I get the message. Ideas would be really helpful, Please give me some. Do you know why everyone is only reviewing my first chapter? Oh, and I am really sorry to Lon-Dubh. It was a bad night, and I was sick of seeing the same thing over and over. So very sorry on that point. Note: Look at what is in the parenthesis very closely. I thank you all for the amazing reviews. Keep it up please, I'm flattered. This day just keeps getting better and better. I am now no longer forced to go to band class, (Go! Drumline!). Music is just not my medium, you know? Now i have more time for drawing and writing and reading. Oh, and do to a large amount of reviews, the first list has been redone. After about five people all saying the same thing , it really started to tick me off. Ideas for other list topics are always welcome. I need to hear that people are reading my work, so thank you for the reassurances and compliments. I did this in about an hour, because i realised i needed to update badly. sorry for the wait. Tell me what you think! Okay, now here we go.**

**35 things Bella never did as a Human:**

**1.Get really drunk (I don't think she did this. Did she? Answer me, angry reviewers)**

**2.Smoke weed (Again, just going from memory, is this wrong, too?)**

**3.Hit on Emmet (Then again, as I far as I know, she didn't do this as a vampire either)**

**4.Kiss Jasper (Ugh)**

**5.Yell at Alice (Who could be so heartless?)**

**6.Go a month without falling (after she learned to walk, of course. How long did **_**that**_** take?)**

**7.Do body shots**

**8.Go to college**

**9.Write a Book**

**10.Climb the Eiffel Tower**

**11.See England**

**12.See France**

**13.See Germany**

**14.(Okay, no more messing around) see the world.**

**15.Find something she was better at than Edward**

**16.Win a fight? (To our knowledge, no, she never did this)**

**17.Get past Alice (Oh, wait. She did do that one. In Twilight.)**

**18.Kill a Werewolf (Maw Ha Ha Ha, Down With Were Wolfs!)**

**19.Kill a Vampire (would she want to?)**

**20.Kiss Mike Newton (I wish)**

**21.Figure out that Mike is really an undercover agent for the Volturi, spying on the Cullen's' (Hey, maybe its true)**

**22.Discover that Angela is a witch with intentions to kill her (Angela is little **_**too**_** nice if you ask me)**

**23.Realise that Tyler Crowley meant to hit her that day in the parking lot (except, of course, Edward got in the way)**

**24.Agkwonledge Mr. Banner's well hidden lust for her (I'm not making this one up, this was actually in an interview some time last year, it is on you tube)**

**25.Realise that Jessica was Jealous of **_**Edward**_**, not her. Jessica has been in love with her all along (Bet you didn't see that one coming)**

**26.Find out that Charlie killed her truck, out of concern for safety (Awwww.)**

**27.Understand that Jacob was just using her to try and beat a vampire (Just Kidding. Or maybe I'm not?)**

**28.See the longing looks Jasper has been giving her (I like **_**this**_** pairing)**

**29.Find out about Billy Black's unnatural obsession of her (He creeps me out, at least)**

**30.Walk in on Emmet and Rosalie during a private moment together (it could have happened)**

**31.Get eaten alive by Paul in vengeance (he creeps me out too)**

**32.Discover Vampires (Oops. She did that, too.)**

**33.Die at Edward's hands**

**34.Kill Jacob (I really hate him)**

**35.Eat Snails (To the best of my knowledge)**

**Hi!! Now it's time for the obsessively long Author's note. Yayy!!. Who caught the not so subtle inside jokes? They were pointed at the reviewers who were really mean about the fact that my first list was not 100 accurate. Please cut me some slack, I'm new at this. By the way, you know I started this before the book release, right? Well, apparently, they didn't. They thought every thing would be right mere days after the release. To be fair, you should wait about a month before you start doing that. Give others a chance to catch up. No one answered last chapters' trivia question. It was the Romans, by the way. New Question: Do you actually read my author's note? Be honest, and tell me if you want to know the topic of the next list. Next order of business. Has anyone read Lord Of The Rings? If you have, I have one question: **_**why didn't you tell me they were making the hobbit into a movie!? **_**I just found out today! **

**Okay, next order of business. If you want to me to continue, I need reviews. I'm not holding the chapters' hostage, **_**Yet**_**, but if that works than I will. Let's make a deal, if I get 34 reviews tonight, you will get a new list tomorrow, as soon as I can get to a computer. **_**Deal?**_** I'm not holding any thing hostage, but if my requirements are met, then I will hurry up. I promise. Sounds good? Tell me in a review. Until next update, then.**

**Hugs and kisses**

**Infinite Good Karma **

**Dustfinger's Cheering Section**

**(P.S. wow, eight whole pages)**

**(P.S.S. I like Candy!)**

**(P.S.S.S. REVIEW!!)**

**(P.S.S.S.S. PLEASE?)**


	7. Chapter 7, I am so sorry! I suck!

**HHHEEELLLOOO!**

**I am so sorry! My computer crashed and died, and i just got my new one!**

**Again, so sorry to leave you guys hanging for so long, i had no access what so ever to any kind of computer.**

**And, to try and make it all up to you guys, Today i am posting a list!**

**By the way, the romans wrote the bilble.**

**So here it is!**

**18 reasons Edward loves Bella!:**

**1.She does not care he is a vampire (Well, maybe a little bit)**

**2.She seems brave to him (and only to him)**

**3.Her clumsyness is endearing to him (Gosh, I'm clumsy, too! Maybe edward will fall in love with me, now!)**

**4.Her big brown eyes**

**5.Her trusting nature**

**6.She is not afraid of him**

**7.She loves him**

**8.She chose him over the mutt (Die Jacob! Die slowly and painfully!)**

**9.His famliy loves her**

**10.He can't read her mind (Well, until very recently, that is. He still seems to love her though.)**

**11.Her blushes (Oh, darn it! I never blush! Now he will never notice me!)**

**12.The fact she is human (Yeah! I'm human, Too!)**

**13.Her reactions (I sure do wish i was Bella! Even with all the near death expeariences!)**

**14.Her shyness (Hey, Edward! I'm plenty shy! Look at me!)**

**15.How innocent she is (I think i'm innocent.)**

**16.How blue looks against her skin(NoteToSelf: Buy many more blue shirts!)**

**17.Her reaction to him in the sun (I might have screamed if i were her)**

**18.Her endless questions (I would have questions too, if i were the one dating a vampire.)**

**Well, thats all I got. Sorry, but i just can't seem to think of anymore.**

**This week's Question: Should i change the title of my story, and if so, to what?**

**Tootaloo, Fish and chips and all that what not!**


	8. Chapter 8

I am sorry to say I am discontinuing this story. My heart is no longer in it, and it is very wrong to leave you all hanging. Please accept my deepest apologies. I just have no more ideas. If someone was to give me a idea, I might be able to continue.

I am truly, Honestly sorry,

Dustfinger's Cheering Section


	9. I am restarting this story!

35 things People make fun of about Twilight (the book and movie).

Author's Note: Bell has decided to help me continue this. Hope you enjoy it!

_**Hi, this is the oh-so-famous Bell, i have just had a very shocking realization, no one ever picks on Jasper! Can someone please tell me why? ( And yes I do know he's perfect, but there has got to be more to it than that, so tell me what YOU think.....please?!)**_

Back to me: Beauty, Brains, and a tragic past, what more could you want in a dream-beau? You have to love him!

This is me. _**This is The Bell.**_

1. Edward watching Bella sleep.

_**2. Edward stalking Bella (ALL THE TIME!!!!)**_

3. Bella having no personality (what-so-ever!)

_**4. Alice's shopping addiction (It's not that bad, people!)**_

4. Edward being described as the perfect guy (well, he might be, I'm not sure. I know some other cute Vamps!)

_**5. Rosalie's Vanity ( Again, IT'S NOT THAT BAD, PEOPLE!!)**_

6. They think Alice and Rosalie are sluts (read the books! They are so not that skanky!)

_**7. They make Jacob WAYY more Bella-obsessed than he actually is ( Why can't you just be Bell-obsessed! that would be so much better!) **_

8. The fact that Edward is about a hundred years OLDER than Bella (who does he think he is?! Date someone your own age!)

_**9. That the Cullens' are criminals. ( Come on, think about it, Grand Theft Auto, Kidnapping, Hostage situations, Several Accounts of murder, Forgeries, to name a few.)**_

10. The whole sparkling thing (see our story, "Fairies in Edward's Meadow").

_**11. In the movie, Bella is a mouth breather. ( Breathe in, breathe out, breath in, breathe ou- OH damn, you have bad breathe.)**_

12. Tanya. Don't get me started. I mean, really, she's only in BOOK FOUR! She barely says ten sentences through the whole thing! Give her a break, or I'll give you a piece of my mind!

_**13. Edward's obsession with watching Bella eat. ( Okay I may think Edward is a pansy-man, no offense, but he is not that bad.)**_

14. People on FanFiction (You know who you are) who over-dramatize the Cullens'. You take an ounce of truth, and make it really weird. Oh My Carlisle! She stole a yacht! We did that! Bell, are we hypocrites?

_**15. Yes we are Tricia, yes we are. People who make Carlisle a sex god. ( Or is that just me and my friends...?)**_

16. (Sadly, it's not just you.) Okay! I give up! I'm using one from the Movie now! Go ahead and gloat it up, Bell! People almost always make fun of Ed's and Bella's first kiss. I mean, talk about Eager Beaver!

_**17. People who obsess over twilight! ( Me being one of the ones who make fun of twilighters.)**_

18. And I make fun of people who pretend their not in love with Edward, but really are. (Again, You Know Who You Are.)

_**19. People who screamed during the first time they saw the movie, like when We went to buy tickets, there was a girl who screamed in the parking lot....oh wait, that was you, Tricia!**_

20. And I'm not shamed-faced to admit it! I jumped up and down, too! oh, wait, maybe I should get back on task? People who thought the Mercedes Guardian was a real car. Really, they really did. I'm not joking.

_**21. People who are obsessed with twilight, but make fun of it anyway. ( Yes you, Tricia!)**_

22. (Yeah, well you watched it with me SIX TIMES! Four of which were in theaters.) People who think the cover of New Moon means something (ever heard of a little thing called ""?).

_**23. ( The first time was a life and death situation, for you anyway, and all the other times were because nothing else was playing, and I got to make fun of it, Cheesy-Bella-Stalker.) People who leave their numbers on the hoods of random shiny silver volvos. (Idiots!)**_

24. (Right, didn't that happen to your friends mom?) People who listen to Linkin Park just because Edward does (why? why? why? they were just as good before the Twilight phenomion).

_**25. People who listen to music that was in the movie, because it was in the movie. ( Yes that did happen to my friends mom, still does.)**_

26. Guys who bought Volvos' to pick up girls (they think because it works for Edward, it will work for them. DumDums! He's EDWARD FREAKING CULLEN!)

_**27. Esme's mothering! ( Come on people, you guys make her seem obsessed!)**_

28. Everyone makes fun of Edward's hair. (Hell, the boy can't do anything right! They make fun of everything he does!)

_**29. Emmett's lack of hair in the movie. ( WE know it's funny, but come on people!)**_

30. (Really , Bell. He's practically bald!) "The Lion and the Lamb" line. It is so over-used! It was getting old before the movie and now it's gone stale!

_**31. Over-use of the word "dog" to describe Jacob.... Books, Movie, FanFiction, lay off People!**_

32. Just so Y'all know, that was partially directed at me. The fact that the Cullens' house can turn into a James-Bond-Like safe house at the drop of a hat. I mean, come on! Their Vampires! What could that protect them from that they themselves can't!

_**33. Bella in New Moon, 'Nuff said.**_

34. The Meadow Scene, need I say more?

_**35. The "my brand of Heroin" line....I have nothing more to say on this topic.**_

_**Author's Notes: **_

_**Bell: Well that was fun.... By the way, you can hate me all you want, but Tricia would have never touched this again. And yes, I know I'm a Bitch.**_

Tricia: And she's proud of it, too! We were talking, and this came up. So, we did another list. Hope you liked it, if you don't, I don't care. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	10. Chapter 10

_35 Things About Rosalie Hale:_

**1. **Revenge is her middle name **(actually,it's Lillian. But, for my purposes, it might as well be Sarah)**

**2.** Blue-eyes blonde-haired bimbo she is not! **(Well, duh! Her eyes are gold! And sometimes black! But she is blonde!)**

**3.** She is more than any one man can handle **(Good thing Emmett's a Vampire then)**

**4.** To her, Confidence is a Virtue

**5.** Her middle name is Lillian **(hey! I told you! Don't mention that one! It totally messes with#1!)**

**6.** She likes clothing** (Makes sense as she's not a nudist)**

**7. **She thinks Vampires are better than, say, humans **(but then again, who doesn't these days?)**

**8. **She is in love with Emmett **(at least we hope she is. Run Away Edward!)**

**9. **She used to wish Edward was in love with her **(Bella, are you ready to step up and defend your man, er Vamp, from her!?!?)**

**10.** She was 18 when she was changed into a Vampire **(Sorry Rosie, you'll only be able to rent a car when you've aged seven years!)**

**11. **She thinks WereWolves smell bad **(And she should! God! When was the last time you took a shower, Jake! You too, Embry! And Quil!) **

**12. **She is secretly in love with Jacob, despite the smell **(Maybe she thinks she can change him?)**

**13. **Rosalie wishes she was as awesome as me **(Doesn't everyone? *asks innocently*)**

**14. **She drank Mike Newton last tuesday night **(He was getting on her nerves!)**

**15. **She drank Jacob yesterday **(Their forbidden love was never meant to be. Or he forgot to take that shower. Hmmm.)**

**16. **Didn't you hear? She officially changed her name to "Rosalie Revenge Slush" late last night **(Ha ha. Tell me you're joking? Ah, well, if you're not, then I win!) **

**17. **You know what the worst pick-up line the late Mike Newton ever used on her was? "Did it hurt when you fell from the clouds, Miss Hale?" **(I wish i'd thought of that. oh wait! I did!)**

**18. **Rosalie just bit my head off. Literally. **(God, those fangs really hurt like, oh, I don't know, . . . Vampire FangS!)**

**19. **Oh, hey. Guess what? Rosalie just brought JAke back from the dead, and is now hosing him off in my front yard, cause you know all werwolves go to hell!

**20. **Guess what? I am Rosalie Revenge Slush! Ha ha ha ha ha aha ha ah aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahahaha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h!

**That's all folks! Hope you enjoyed the show! Review.**

**Lot's of love,**

**Good Luck,**

**And Infinite Good Karma,**

**Rosalie Revenge Slush**

**(Aka Dustfinger's cheering section)**

P.s. I want to try to make this a every saturday thing. I need help, and ideas, to make that happen. Just a thought.


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